I was at the gas station the other day and I thought I had seen a ten in my wallet so I told my kid she could get a juice at the gas station for soccer practice. When I got to the counter, I looked in my wallet to see that i had a dollar and I was scrounging around for change and I found some, and had to pull out my card for the rest of the 14 cents. The more sad thing is that I was worried that I didn't have it in my account. How pathetic..I know, but I know how this dude feels. LOL

Wasting time and MUCH more importantly...Gas.

So today, I knew from the second that I woke up it was going to be a horrible day and there would be no job searching. My mission today was just to get my daughter's refill for her medicine that she needs to take twice a day.
Let me just start off by saying I have the worst luck in the world and Medicaid assigned my daughter the most unprofessional doctor in the history of the world. I had to call for days to get my appointment and when I got lost (bc it was 40 minutes away, and in the middle of nowhere)I tried to call, only to find out that they were closing for no reason. Then yesterday I finally got ahold of them after calling for 4days and leaving a million messages...I told them how urgent it was so they set me up for an appointment right away for today at noon. I left an hour early so that I wouldn't be late and when I got there I was so happy I actually found it. I went out and tried to open the door but it was locked and had a piece of paper attached to it from the inside saying, "Closed due to storm. Be back Thursday 9AM." That was it. No one called me, they weren't opening the next day. I was so upset because I am completely dumbfounded on what to do to get my daughter's refill and because I spent two hours driving around and wasting gas!!!! I am trying to find a job and gas money is hard to come by and here I am just using it like it's water!
So that brought up an interesting question: "Why would I do something, when I get NOTHING out of it?"

I've been wasting gas driving around turning in resumes and filling out apps for weeks. I have taken my kid to that stupid doctor so far away twice in the last week. I do all these things that are supposed to help my situation and they just end up making it worse. Now I'm unemployed and without medicine and down two gas tanks in the last week. What is the point? I accomplished nothing this week....not ONE thing. If I had slept for a week, nothing would be different, except the house would be really dirty and I might be dead..I guess it depends on whether or not I was hooked up to fluids...but that's it. That's all that would have changed. Really makes you wonder why you even bother....

Depressed and unemployed

I have created a blog about the depression of being unemployed for a number of reasons. One reason is that it makes people feel better when they write down their issues. This is true, there have been many studies about it and there are obvious reasons why it would work.

One: If you write it down, it is final. I know some nights I can't sleep because I keep going over and over something in my head trying to make it make more sense or trying to figure out solutions to a problem and I get nowhere. And if I do come up with the most amazing solution ever, I forget by morning.If you write it down, you can add to it and you know you won't forget it.

Two: When you put your thoughts on paper, you first have to go through your thoughts and think about what you want to write and what can be left unsaid. That's just it, you go through your thoughts more thoroughly, and you have to put things in a specific order, which helps you realize solutions and problems.

Three: If there is even the slightest chance that someone will find what you write and read it, you feel like you are getting your issues off your chest, and it just feels better. Maybe you keep your journal under your pillow, but there is a chance that in thirty years, someone will go thru the addict and find it and now they know what you were going through... Relieving burdens, even to a fake person you name Lucy, really does help you to just relax and deal with things later.

Also, I want to share my experience so that others know they are not alone, and maybe my pathetic life will inspire someone reading this to get off the couch before they end up like me. And because I am trying so desperately for a job, I gotta admit, I've got some great tips.
I guess, I really made this blog to just blow off some steam and not bug people. I know my family doesn't want to hear it, and I don't want my boyfriend to find out just HOW BIG a loser I really am. All of my friends have these accomplishing lives, so if I said anything they would just tell me, "Life could be worse. You have a great boyfriend." Thanks people, but I want my life to be more than just about a boy I see a few hours a week....
So, here it goes...
Life of the Unemployed: